I keep running across this phrase, let go. ” Just let go and let God. ” That sort of thing, one phrase said to let go and not have your ankles weighed down. I have had ankle trouble before and I know what that is like. Another thing entirely is to have your heart weighted down. I have been reading and answering prayer requests this week.
Surgeries, suicide, car accidents, two mothers dead. Two children in mourning. I see the grief that Jesus sees, I feel their pain and am empathic. I pray for their comfort. I do have a couple of people who pray for me. But I finally had to truly let go and let the Lord be my source of strength or I could not bear the hurt I see. I believe deeply in miracles. I have seen them, I consider myself one.
I also know the fierce stand it takes to take on an enemy called cancer. Or the depths of depression. Or the warfare we don’t always see. And I still have to let go. I can not be God, I only work for Him. I can’t save everyone. And neither does He, though it is His heart’s longing and I don’t mean save as in salvation, that takes repentence. I mean save like, these women in accidents. Angels may have snatched them from horrific pain as He took them to heaven, I don’t know, but sometimes things are just set into motion by the free will He gave us and there are consequences. I don’t have all the answers.
And then there are those nagging little no-no’s that come from the enemy, the fiery darts that sting and make me ask the Lord to keep my breastplate of righteousness in place, so that my heart is not pounding in the night, replaying old memories I was sure I had fogiven and let go of, but then even today, I see myself in the eyes of the enemy and not in God’s image and it hurts. I refuse to look at his lies, a false sense of self that says you are unworthy of love, ugly with sin, selfish and without compassion, when I know that is the farthest thing from the truth.
People read this blog. They enjoy my writing, they are encouraged and they seek me out to pray and even for some of the hardest cases and why. Because, they see Jesus and hear Him in my words. They know I know sorrow and grief and expect beauty for ashes. I can bare my soul to you and you may never see my tears but He does.
I have a lot to let go of, a lot of hurts, a lot of loss, and burdens too heavy for me to bear. And sometimes I have to let go and just let God be God in the lives of others. Though I pray and believe and have firm hope and expectation, it takes a strong person to say with certainty, I am your child and I know you’re giving me a miracle. Some of these prayers this week have been for seriously ill people. And I will let go and let God comfort me.
And why? Because I have to. Not to be callous or cruel. But because I have a heart that breaks to easily unless His peace surrounds it. I let go of things beyond my control is something I wish I could say, but I know who is and I guess I spend more time talking and not resting. Who am I trying to convince anyway? Him or me?
I’m making a conscious decision to let go. The humiliation of high school, the mean girls, the boys who were ignorant and cruel, the women who talk like friends and never even listen, who say hurtful things to your face even if they don’t intend it that way. The men who should have been men in life and minstry and not jealous. I let it go. It’s going down the drain, washed away by the blood of Jesus, I feel better already.
I refuse to wear the chains of life that we forge like a Jacob Marley ( A Christmas Carol / Charles Dickens ). I refuse to take on what I let go, and even the hurt I take on the intercession, the prayers that I pray, powerfully, I let it go.
And since I am a butterly, a new creation, a dove in spirit, I am not caged, not careful and full of worry, I am free, forever loved by Jesus. I can fly, just let me go because I let go. Rebecca Jones