Searching For Father


All women desire love. They were created to love and be loved. Some even look in the wrong places. Some have had loving fathers, who read stories, tucked them in, never missed a ballet recital or refused a shoulder to cry on. I even know a lady whose father and husband read poetry to her. I would have loved that.

Some of us have had the fathers who would buy you anything, even a car, not keep you close or really be interesting in what’s going on. I have the mindset that you can’t just throw money at a problem or a child.

Some of us are children of divorce, with step fathers and brothers and sisters. And maybe, even weekend visits. The blending that doesn’t always wind up like the sitcoms and a happily after.  I’m old enough to remember the reruns of the popular programs, Father Knows Best, maybe not, but Heavenly Father Knows best.

These shows were supposed to reflect middle class America, that wasn’t always the case. Working father, homemaker mother, 2.5  children, white picket fence, and a dog. Lord knows that’s not the way it was always.

Maybe, you never danced standing on his shoes, or fell asleep and he carried you to bed. Or maybe, he never carried you on his shoulders for you to see above the crowd. Maybe, he never worked in secret to build you a playhouse or a dollhouse, or made your picture.  Or even planned a perfect pirthday party. Maybe he wasn’t there to take you to the movies or the zoo.

Maybe he never danced at your wedding. Maybe, he died when you were young, or was in prison, or you never knew him at all, it does not matter to God. He will be your Father. I know now, He was mine when Robert Jones left in the night and even before, He was my mother’s father when he was estranged, and everyone’s whether they knew it or not. the creativity I thought I inherited, that my mother did not understand was not from him but God. And you know I thought you got your fathers blood type and now I hear that’s not alwys so. So it doesn’t matter as long as you love someone, we have the blood of Jesus, pure and holy covering us.

And maybe he was there and you wished he weren’t. Maybe, there was drinking, swearing, using drugs or worse. God understands and wants you to know, that He understands. Maybe you never thought of Him, because you never knew Him, how to love Him or talk to Him, you though He would be hard on you, He knows. Just do one thing for Him, this post could not wait until father’s day. Just let Him love you, be quiet, be still and let Him love you.

I do have a great imagination and I always dreamed life better and people getting along. I know that some of us were hurt by fathers walking out. Even pretending it doesn’t hurt is a lie we live with, it affected me in my thirties, I see it still bother women even older. What was wrong with us? Nothing.

Lately, some in my family are digging into genealogy.  I tried to find my father once unsuccessfully, his name is super common and he wasn’t a war hero. I really thought we’d just be a disappointment to each other anyway. I know others are disappointed as well.

Looking for a perfect father is a search or longing for the one true Father, God.  It can be a desperate seach, especially for those who are abused. If I found it hard to relate to a father even with a Christian family, how does a broken heart reach out and receive His love?

I even had to. I realized I had taken a lot of verbal abuse in my life, from lots of people. Somethings I never even talked to my mother about. I just had to talk to God. that is what I would suggest to anyone. You can trust Jesus. You can touch His heart with yours and with your prayers or tears.

He loved and obeyed His Father, even unto death. He was love fully and completely. As a man, carrying the anointing of the Holy Spirit, He had to trust His Father. So do we, and we can have access by the sacrifice of Jesus.

Don’t ever compare your earthly father to the Heavenly one. Or else you may see Him absent, uncaring, or even unfeeling. He may not be there at all, he may be hurting you or hard, abusive, and that is just not God. Or maybe, he is gone a lot traveling for work,  or just working late, God is never too busy even if fathers are. And with phones and Skype, even soldiers can visit their children, so men can always make a moment or two to say hello. We older people didn’t have that. ( Hey, I’m not that old. 🙂 )

He is always there, always listens and always loves. Your tears are in His bottle, your name is in His hands, the nail scarred hands of Jesus. You must receive His love and yes, if you acept Jesus as Lord, you are worthy.

You are His child, son or daughter, you can climb up into His lap and be wrapped in a safe embrace. He is not hitting you,  hurting you. A smack on the backside, or firm words are one thing. God hates abuse! Child, women, elderly or animal! And He will deal with those people.

Looking up your family can be fun, but looking up to the one who loves you is so much better. Searching for your Father, you don’t have to. He’s right beside you. Rebecca Jones

 photograph Pete Bellis, thank you.


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