You’re a Christian. You want to do what is right. You even have the baptism of the Holy Spirit, you are aware of spiritual gifts. You’ve prayed for many people, seen results. But some of your own prayers have not come to pass.
Your health has suffered. Your mental state is fragile. You are beyond exhausted. What you share with people seems to go unheard. Or worse, you are mocked and scorned. You wonder if you are making a difference. You know you can pray and refresh yourself but refreshing others is more of a chore than a joy and that should not be because you were blessed to be a blessing and you know it.
Something or rather someone, the Holy Spirit, stirs inside you, a spark, an ember, that longs to be a flame in your life and in the lives of others. You hear His voice. A stranger’s you will not follow. And yet, the enemy prowls, around your soul. The lion, the adder, the things we should tread upon. We not be devoured, but aware of these devices.
You don’t think you can take another step, pray another prayer or hear anymore disparraging remarks. The devil knows what hurts you, what worked before, symptom after symptom, pain after pain, the confusion from lack of sleep, the chaos of a household that is divided. Attacks on someone you love dearly and deeply. Vicious, spiteful, hate that should not ever walk through your front door, it’s there knocking. Love that waxed cold as your own or someone you love’s love of Jesus exploded on the scene in utter joy only to be stolen by the unkindness of others. It hurts. It’s deep, a fragile and tender heart will break, mourn and grieve. It is easy to hurt love.
It’s not worth it. It’s just not worth it, if I do right, there’s someone waiting to prove me wrong, act out of fear or jealousy or plain meanness. I can’t take another day of sadness, I hope for better, it only grows worse. It’s not worth it. I am a tortured soul, though Jesus set me free. I am tormented in good being spoke of as evil, the bitterness of others leaves a sourness in my stomach, though I have tasted and seen that the Lord is good. It’s just not worth it.
My mind is on fire, my heart burns, the headaches, backaches, the run down burnout that comes from caring has caught up again, it’s just not worth it. But a loving savior looks at me with a sad sweetness that I have always loved, His eyes sparkle with a fire that is pure love. He is worth it, because He thought I was worth it.
He was dragged, beaten, marred, spat upon and slapped. Condemned, scourged and crucified. He went to the depths of hell for me to live with Him. He is worth it because I was worth it to Him. He never once looked at me, and said ” She’s not worth it. ”
The devil with fill your head with chaos, nonsense, lie and threats. And he can drag you down in ways you don’t even know, rehashing the past, focusing on what you should or shouldn’t do when it’s all about Jesus. For all the, ” I can’t make its, I wish I were deads, I should have never started this, and you should just kill yourself.” And these are all thoughts he will put in your head if you allow him to. ” Jesus says, I love you, you are worth it and I am worth it and I am with you, I won’t leave you. ” Alone, we are no match for the accuser and that he will night and day, but He met his match at Calvary. It is finished, he has lost.
Our victory is in Jesus, every day, every time. Don’t listen or entertain the destructive thoughts that pop into your head. Don’t even be amused by the ridiculous ones, don’t ever falsely accuse yourself with the labels, he would sew/sow into your coat. Your robe of righteousness has your name and it is precious child of the Living God, you are engraved in His hands. And you need His power.
Whatever you have to bear up under, how much you pray or study, what you may have to give up. It is worth it, because He is worth it, and because He thought you were worth it. If you need to let go of something or someone, He will help you. You wouldn’t deny that would you? Rest, rest in the secret place, rest in His holy love. Rebecca Jones
Father, In Jesus name, there are those that suffer under enemy oppression, don’t let them gloat. Don’t let them gain any more ground, send warrior angels forth to guard minds and hearts, to protect and do battle, cancel enemy assignments. Let the wicked one’s minions turn on each other and devour themselves right into outer darkness. Pour out you peace upon your beloveds, victory is ours in Jesus name, by the blood of the Lamb and the word of our testimony.
*** If you need help ask, for prayer or seek counseling, you are worth it, there is no shame in seeking medical help or counselors.