Heavy Hearted

97611ff0d3bc709ccb2e11600762d00fI Love You - Carla Simons - Álbumes web de Picasa:

As one that takes off a garment in cold weather, and as vinegar upon soda, So is he that sing songs to a heavy heart. Proverbs 25:20

Sometimes, I used to wonder what was wrong with me. My mother would ask and I replied I didn’t know. I believed in Jesus, in healing. I prayed. But i never knew as much until I really turned over my life to the Holy Spirit, who really teaches you.

I didn’t understand the gifts of the spirit. I had no knowledge of God’s plan for my life even though I was on the right track. I didn’t know how much had been stolen by the enemy.

I know now that I had a heavy heart. I had a grieving for the things I was missing in God’s plan. I hated to see happy people. Not that I was begrudged it, but why wasn’t I? I knew the joy of the Lord. I sang, praised and worshiped. Mostly at home.

I sometimes interjected my life into other peoples, sort of living vicariously. Somewhat like writing, I wanted to do things and see places. I felt I was missing out due to physical pain that I was believing God to heal. But look a little deeper still. I prayed to break any unnatural soul ties, I forgave those that hurt me.

I did everything I knew to do prayed all I needed to pray, gradually, I had to accept the love a Father, that I had never really known. I could not even fathom the beauty and depth of the sacrifice of His beloved Son. I was focused on myself and whether I was doing the right thing, I was looking away from the most tender heart of all, and it was weighing heavily on mine. It was grieving the Holy Spirit in me, it was unbearable.

It was gut wrenching and heart breaking. All this time, He was right beside me. Waiting for me to turn to Him, to love Him, to ask Him to, talk to Him, to love Him, and more than that to let Him love me.

This Valentine’s Day, if you are alone or lonely or even if you have a great life, look to the one who really loves you. Rebecca Jones


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