I wrote a poem with this title, you can connect to it through my Pinterest Board, Poetic Pins. I had been very ill in 2012. I was having a lot of these panic attack symptoms and heart racing and pounding. I did not seek any medical attention. I was overweight, my blood pressure would fluctuate, I never started any medicine. I recommend you do what is necessary for you, I had studied faith and healing. I believe firmly that Jesus is the healer, and He is or I would not be here.
This is a very personal and precious story, so I choose to share it only as a public testimony by not going into great detail. I knew that fear was very real and a spirit that attacks you. I call fear, terror and torment, the unholy trinity. If love is Jesus, Himself, then fear is the devil, himself. I have faced that fear before, always a victory in Jesus.
But in 2012, the Lord began dealing with me, the Holy Spirit worked on my behalf, He always had, even when fear was a constant and unwelcome companion. I knew I was a writer, but I never realized the passion and zeal for Christ that He had laid on my heart before, I was too busy sorting out my life, what had I done wrong, why couldn’t I just be like everyone else? I didn’t think it was that hard to get prayers answered. And it’s not.
But did I know the devil was close enough to steal those answers? No. How? You ask. Mark 4 and Matthew 13, that’s how. We hear the word and misunderstand it. It doesn’t take root or gets plucked up. Being good ground is an ongoing process like salvation, and He wants to save us completely, not just from hell, but from fear, anger or whatever. Day to day cares mount up, health and money woes, it’s all in the parable. The devil has to try to get you off balance, off key, off center, because he knows if you find your voice and use it against him he’s burnt toast.
So after nights of sleeplessness and worrying about how to make some money, about the writing career I wanted so desperately, I was seriously ill. I considered going to the hospital, I had lost my insurance, I had not yet signed up for any healthcare. I asked my mother to pray for me and she did, God bless her, in the spirit and she put me in her bed.
That was when Jesus kissed my heart, I started to get better. That was in September, by November I was hopeful again. By the next November, however, the enemy was back. And I felt so bad, that I was determined to fight an win this battle, a second kiss. I went on to write not one but four blogs, I’ve sent off articles and have hopes for other things I’ve written.
But even in the midst of my storm I purposely kept my blog posts hopeful. I’m not foolish enough to try and fool you into a perfect little world. That is possible with Jesus, but He knew what we would face and sent the Holy Spirit to help. He gives our daily bread, Himself. He said there would be enough evil in each day. One day at time, that’s how to take it. Remain in His love, keep the joy He gave you, and rest, let Him work on your behalf. He sees what we do not, knows what we cannot, and will share that with us in prayer, yes, fasting, even partial, and praying in the Spirit is paramount to me. It is speaking mysteries, directly to God, His perfect will. It is not our understanding, but our spirit and His, and our most powerful weapon against enemy attack and fear. The devil doesn’t get it, but he knows whats been prophesied and will try to stop it. Don’t let him steal your joy or peace, our he will kill and destroy you, if not your body, your soul. You soul is your mind, will and emotions.
Emotions will wreak havoc and trick you. They make you anxious, worried and fearful. There are verses for that, your will, he will try you stop you, make you give up, quit. And he knows he’s already lost, but will make you think otherwise, he will try to get you back into sin, lies, blame and hatred. Never give up. And your mind, if the battle rages, take solace in the fact that you are not alone, we all have to cast down thoughts, remember to confess out loud that Jesus made you righteous, then the unholy three have to leave. If you don’t take spiritual authority over your mind and guard your heart, you lose your soul. You are saved, but you lose your soul/mind, anytime you walk in fear, depression, chronic illness. Your mind should be happy or joyful and a focused place not a place that drag you down.
I had left writing alone. That was a mistake. I was not taking care of children anymore, mistake. I felt I had nothing to offer anyone but a prayer until I was different, healed. I had nothing to offer anyone, other women had it together more than I, there was still so much I didn’t know about. Mistake.
I offered more than prayers on the blog. I do my best to share the Bible simply, the pure love of Jesus and yes, healing and the gift of tongues, something I was once afraid of now what I rely on. I try to give you a smile a laugh. I show you the pretty pictures of women in white, we all want to walk in white, beautiful, beloved brides. I want to sit with you in heaven and hear your testimony of overcoming. I want you healed and sound and whole and sharp, quick with the Word, wisdom or wit. I want you to take that sword, warrior princess and lop off the devil’s attacks, grab your shield of faith and you go girl!
I said before, I’m not gung ho, a go getter or a cheerleader, but I’m cheering for you. I had Jesus to kiss my heart, and I pray He does yours as well, and meets whatever need you have. When my mother prayed and I made a stand for my health and life, I began to minister to women. The kind words I receive in comments are a gracious incentive and proof, I made the right decision.
I had to trust Jesus, completely. I had to let him kiss my heart, today and everyday. That day or prayer was not the first time He did it, just maybe the first time I realized it. He kissed it when I was a girl of eleven, embracing a friend in tears, when I gave Him my heart.
I trusted Him completely then and now, I have to, somehow I got weeds sown into my garden, but I was and am good ground, and instead of the weeds choking me, my heart is a lush garden again, and the grass is green and thick, it chokes the weeds instead. He and I together can guard and garden my heart, when I got ” lost ” along the way, He was right there beside me kissing my heart. Rebecca Jones