Why Couldn’t You Just Love Me?

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I’m your daughter, wife, friend, mother. I could be any one of you or all of you.Why couldn’t you just love me? There were days when a kind word from you would have made cry. I needed them so badly. I didn’t need a text message, I needed a telephone call to hear a voice comfort me. I shared my hopes and dreams and you thought they were pie in sky, pipe dreams or silly. Why did you extinguish the little flame that flickered in my heart?

I wanted to start my own business, write a book, go back to school, open a bakery. Did you know that?  Didn’t you not know I needed a sunset, a rainbow, or even a rose? Offer take me for weekend getaway? Did you never see how tired I was? Offer take me for weekend getaway? I would have happily walked on a beach with my feet in the sand or slept in your arms in an over sized chair just to be near you.

I know it’s wrong to settle for less than God’s best but I would have settled for a milkshake. A refrigerator magnet. A real birthday card in the mailbox. Have I been invisible? Were you ashamed of me? Was I too fat? Too skinny? Not good enough? Pretty enough? Smart enough?

Did my favor and blessing carry so much weight that I made you uncomfortable? Was it my faith? My anointing? Where were you when I prayed and cried and felt alone? When I was emotionally spent, so alone in the world, my world of hope that I felt I was alone? Why couldn’t you just love me? I can tell you this Jesus was there. I should have listened closer to that voice. But I had to be still, I could not hear Him in chaos and confusion. But He heard me.

This is simply a possibility of how many women feel. And I know feelings can be deceptive, they aren’t as real as we think.The devil is always attempting to hurt  us with feelings. I knew a girl once who was tall, blonde and beautiful, but when she told me she sat in her mother’s lap, I just didn’t get it. Not until recently, when I took my mother aside in her room, and cried in her lap, finally I understood.

It doesn’t matter what you do for your children, how much money you spend, how many computer games you get them, where you send them to school, if you buy them a  car. Just love them, don’t embarrass them in front of their friends or call them honey. Just love them, give them an extra hug. Talk to yout tweens, they’re growing up they need you. I once asked my mother about that, we even used to read together as adults We were like glue when I was little. What happened, life?

Never look back and think that, ” Why couldn’t you just love me? People are human, Jesus loves you, Rebecca Jones

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